Anonymous Idiot

        

I make the best garlic toast in the world. Bobby Flay should come to my house and get his ass kicked on a garlic toast making challenge some day. I’m calling him out right now. I have two methods of making garlic toast, and you should too. This garlic toast is only for eating pasta and stuff like that. It doesn’t go good with cereal or banana milkshakes.

The first method is something I call “Lazy Garlic Toast”. It is best served with a meal that you made with the intention of saving money instead of a meal that tastes the best. Or maybe you were just in a hurry and didn’t want to put in the effort for it to taste good. Usually this means WalMart spaghetti and some sauce poured right out of the jar.

“Lazy Garlic Toast”

1. Get a few slices of bread. Wheat bread is good for you, but white bread tastes better and is cheaper. And since you are using cheap spaghetti you probably don’t even care.
2. Put butter on it. I like to leave butter out, not in the fridge. That way it spreads easy–makes sense for lazy toast.
3. Get some garlic salt and put a lot on there if you like a lot of garlic and salt. You can also put some garlic power on and add salt to it if you don’t have garlic salt. Those would be separate entities and make this a more complicated matter.
4. The rest of the process is common to the better way to make garlic toast. Read on to find out the end of how to cook it.

The better way to make garlic toast is one I call “Real Good Garlic Toast”. This one is for making garlic toast if you’re eating something you spent time to make or maybe even something with shrimp in it because it will constitute a fancy pasta dinner. You could be trying to impress a girl or maybe showing your mom that you can get along without her now.

“Real Good Garlic Toast”

1. Get some better bread from the store. If it is already sliced it probably isn’t good enough. It may cost some extra money, but you can get smaller shrimp for the pasta and that will make up the cost.
2. Put some butter and garlic and salt in a pan and turn on the heat. Garlic out of the jar will do, but fresh garlic is better. You’ll have to cut it up though. You want it to dissolve if possible. This is the best method because it lets you control the buttery/saltiness/garlicy flavors on your own. You may be tempted to put your finger in it to make sure the flavor is right, but be careful because the hot mixture will burn you.
3. After all the butter is melted and the garlic is all mashed up, get a brush, like a BBQ brush or a spoon or something and rub the mix onto the bread.
4. Now read how to cook it based on either method it’s the same.

Cooking It for both methods

To cook the different kinds of toast follow a set of instructions above. Make sure you only do one or you will have too much butter and garlic and salt and it won’t taste good. You can’t blame me if you screw this part up because I told you the right way to do it.

1. Put the oven on broil. If you have a “high” setting, use that. Maybe you should do that first so that you can let it get hot first, but it doesn’t really matter at this point.
2. Put the bread on something that won’t catch fire with the butter/garlic/salt side up.
3. Put it in the oven. Check it every 30 seconds or so or it will burn and stink up the kitchen.
4. You will know it’s ready because when you aren’t able to resist grabbing it and shoving it in your mouth. You may burn yourself again, so be careful at this point. It would suck to ruin this whole thing on the last step.

Enjoy your delicious garlic toast and remember that you learned how to do it here. Some people may tell you to put cheese or something on it, but I tried this once and it just doesn’t work good. There’s probably a good recipe to do that, but it’s a different goal that we’re not trying to accomplish here.