Anonymous Idiot

If you ever saw Chris Rock do his character in I’m Gonna Get You Sucka then you know that it’s funny to ask someone to pour some soda in your hand for $.15 or to ask somebody how much for one rib.  But it has made me wonder many times exactly how much for one rib in real life.  Now I know the answer is $2.495 but that of course is adjusted for inflation.

I know because today they had a special rib dinner at work with two vegetables.  Now I ate this dinner and I wish I would just bought the vegetables and left the ribs because I had a hard time deciding on vegetables and the ribs wasn’t that good.  I mean, good, yeah, but not good for ribs, you know?   But the lady in line behind me asked the checkout woman, “How much for just the rib?” and I thought she was doing the line from the movie, but no, she was serious.  And then the lady told her $4.99, so I did the math in my head real fast.

I’ve been trying to get into Mensa and have been looking around for some guidance on the web. Best I can figure is that you have to do a test and get a number called an IQ which has to be 132 or more. I figure that another way I should get in is if I come up with a test that nobody in Mensa can get 132 points on. I’ve been asking some Mensas if that would be OK, but haven’t heard yet. Anyways, here is my true/false test.

1. (131 points) The capital of Pennsylvania is Harrisburg.

2. (1 point) This statement is false.

OK, Mensas, will you let me in?

I know I watch too much of the CNBC but Donny Duesch just said there are no bad ideas and I think that’s a bad idea itself.  Maybe there is not bad ideas but just bad people who have ideas.  I don’t know.  But alls I know is that I’ve seen many bad ideas in my day and time.  Even some just earlier today.  Like half of the things they say on CNBC are bad ideas because one person is always saying buy a stock and another is saying sell it.  That means that one of them is wrong and therefore half of all the things they say are wrong.  See how I did that?

But who needs to listent to the iPod underwater?  The guy on The Big Idea now thinks he is the greatest thing since pasturized milk because he made a little case.  Real swimmers don’t want music.  They want to stare at the bottom of the pool and mull over their day ahead of them or possible create some mental toughness from the boredom.  A few may let the depression of this get to them and fill their goggles full of tears.

Dear Comedy Central,

I’m glad you decided to air Futurama. Good choice. I’m also glad that you decided to get on with the show by putting the credits for the last show on in small letters while the next show starts.

But it seems like the people in charge of those credits you put on the bottom of the screen don’t actually WATCH Futurama. Putting the credits on the bottom left of the screen so that they cover up the opening gag is just sub-par.

Anyone that’s a fan of Futurama KNOWS the opening “disclaimer” is something we all watch for.

Running the credits small & fast like that says to me, your audience, “Thanks for watching this same show over and over. We know you’re a fan and that you want to get on with it.”

But putting them on top of the opening gag says, “We don’t really understand this show or its fans.”

Yes, I’ve seen the opening gags before. But guess what… I’ve seen ALL the Futurama shows before. Many times. The opening tagline is PART OF THE SHOW and should not be covered up.

Can’t you put the credits ~and other crap~ on TOP for Futurama?

Sincerely,

A Concerned Idiot

I know this.  That when you are having a discussion about how the ground beef you bought at one store is so good and you only buy it there and won’t buy it anywhere else there are problems.  You should maybe step back and look at where you are headed in your life.  Do you want to be the guy who uses his pallet to judge ground beef?

I can say this because of an experience I had at a cookout where the guy who was having the cookout wanted to talk about his high quality ground beef.  But I’m thinking, dude, it’s not like these are steaks you are giving me and we are talking about grain fed or organic or whatever.  It’s just a hamburger.  If you make it thicker I will notice or if there is a part of a hoof I might knock the quality.  But otherwise I am not really thinking about it.  My bigger problem is how much french onion dip I can fit on this pototo chip while you rave about some ground beef.  He didn’t even asked if I wanted it medium or well done or rare.  In these situations that’s what would matter the most.

But his pride got the best of him on this hamburger meat and it blows my mind.  Maybe I will have him over to my house next time and give him some salsa made out of “special” tomatos and he will think I’m stupid for it.  I bet he does not connect the dots that I’m really just making fun of him in front of his whole family.  You know they will be laughing at his foolishness on their insides.

Why do folks use big words to say or write a thought when they can use short words for the same thing? A short word has one sound, one beat; a big word has more than one sound, more than one beat. What a waste! They think that they are smart to do that, but prove that they have no brains at all.

One can still say all of the main needs of life:

breath
eat
drink
sex
beer
shot
boobs

All we need are short words, counts such as 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42, and ranks such as 27th (a bad rank to be for some things) and 43rd (the rank of George Bush).

I could write a whole book with the use of short words. I could call it The Old Man and the Sea if that name were not yet in use.

Some good books: Oil, War and Peace, Green Eggs and Ham

Some good films: There Will Be Blood, Catch 22, Catch Me If You Can

Some good shows: The Wire, Lost, 24, South Park

Can you find a thought that can not be said with short words? I dare you! I dare you twice! Come on punk, make my day.

Does anyone else want to bitch slap these people?  I thought I was done with this whole fiasco a few years ago when this show finally went off on cable and I have been working to avoid the reruns late at night.  I didn’t even have HBO the whole time this sorry ass show was on because I can’t stand listenting to these stupid chicken heads cackle.  Now they are coming out with a movie and everything you see is Sex and the City this and Sex and the City that and all I can think is who cares about these idiots and why will they have to torture normal people with making a movie like this and taking up a perfectly good movie theatre that could be showning anything else, like maybe trucks exploding or a movie about drug addicts stealing copper so they can smoke some drugs.

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